Not Your Energizer Bunny

Dang it. I missed my March 4th blog by two minutes. It was a busy evening. (Good reasons.)

Yesterday, after watching those boys in the parking lot, I felt frustrated and helpless and needed to vent. So, I did something which I NEVER do: I went for a run. Seattle, methinks, is the running capital of life. Everyone runs. Even the plentiful dogs run. I do not run. But: I went for a run.

And as I was jogging around Greenlake, I thought, "This is totally not bad. This actually feels good." Then thought: "This sucks. I hate my life." Then thought, "Sure, walking is totally allowed." Then thought, "Apparently this gets easier though SOMETIME. I have heard tales of people going from running one mile to running many without stopping to walk. So... I guess endurance HAPPENS."

Today at school, we asked both 3rd and 5th period for their typed essays so that we could do peer-reviews. Not one kid had a typed essay ready.

NOT.

ONE.

Isaac said, "I didn't know it was due!"

I almost blew a hernia. I don't know what that means, but I bet I almost did it. "NOT. TRUE," I said. "We have had that assignment and that due date written on the board for the last three days, I have written it everyday!!! We reminded you yesterday. AND, Isaac, I know for a FACT that you knew because I told you PERSONALLY when you stayed after school to get help!"

Luckily, Viola did the volcano. She does the volcano better than I do.

We walked the kids to the library to work on typing their papers. I walked with a new girl, Charlotte. "Charlotte, how are you doing on your paper?" I asked.
"Um, good," she said. "I've been working on it at home, so that's why I don't have anything here."
"Okay. What's your basic thesis?"
"Um... well-- I need help."
"Okay... what are you thinking of writing about?"
"Well... you know. Maybe the title."
"Kite Runner? Okay. Great. So what do you think you want to say about the significance of the title?"
"Well... something... about the kite?"
"... Okay. What about the kite?"
"Well... that's what I need help with."
"Why don't you describe the way the kite is to me."
"... I don't know."

The frustration welled up. It was strong like bull. It was fast like meercat. It was powerful like the Mystical Mad White Rhinoceros, and I COULDN'T STOP IT WHAT THE *H* IS THE MATTER WITH THESE KIDS DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT GRADUATING FROM HIGH-SCHOOL IS AND HOW HARD IS IT REALLY TO READ A NOVEL THAT WAS ON THE BEST-SELLER LIST FOR MONTHS AND WHY CAN'T THEY JUST DO THEIR WORK AND CAN'T THEY EVEN THINK OF A FRICKIN IDEA?!!??!?!!

I took a deep breath. I thought of my Philosophy of Teaching paper (10 pages, submitted it today, booyah), which is all about respecting the kids, and making efforts to understand where they're coming from, and showing them genuine LOVE, and I took another looooong deep breath.

"Okay," I said. "Charlotte. Let's think about the kite."


Endurance will come. These things are less exhausting than they were to begin with, and although they're still exhausting, they're maybe LESS exhausting. Endurance HAPPENS though, right? Unless-- I suppose-- I burn myself out. That also supposedly happens.

But for now, I'm choosing to think that, just as runners put their runner legs to work and get stronger, so shall I put my teacher efforts to work and hope to get stronger. Then, maybe I will be strong, fast, and powerful like those runny-run-runners are. Because those runners feel strong, right? They feel fast, after they stop hating life? They feel powerful when they don't need to walk, don't they?

Just curious. Because... I don't really ever plan to find out.