Shadows in the Land of Grace: the Comparison Game

Previous blogs in this series:
1-- Pits, Towers, Fields and Dancing
2-- ... Thoughts on Sheep
3-- Getting out of the Towers
4-- The Shadowlands
5-- The Land of Grace: Casting Shadows
6-- When the Tower Crumbles: Getting to the Land of Grace
7-- A Disclaimer
8-- Holy Scripture, Batman

On Sunday, I was in a funk to rival all funks.

I was GRUMPY, and SURLY, and feeling really LAME about myself. In my journal, I drew a hairy, biscuit-shaped creature, and then labeled it: "Me = Prickly ball of insecurity."

This is how I imagine this translating to the Land of Grace:

She wanders out of the light and into a shady grove. There, she catches the seductive glow of a glinting green pool. Mesmerized, she walks deeper into the darkness and stares into the mirrored water. Instantly, the pool comes alive with reflections, but these aren't reflections of the light-- these are reflections of her own fears and insecurities, made all the more vivid by the shadowy cover around her. Her thoughts leap into the pool and dance mockingly around the reflection of her face. She sees other people more successful than her; she sees other people LOOKING better than her. She sees people in love, she sees people attaining success, she sees people that are liked more than her. Her own reflection warps and mottles and she looks at it in horror, convinced this is what she has become.

Meanwhile, ivy snakes creep out of the dampened ground, taking advantage of the girl's distraction. They wind quietly around her ankles, up across her calves, sneaking over her torso and silently lash her down. Lost in herself, the girl has become trapped, losing the freedom she found in Grace.

This is what happens when we play the Comparison Game. The people I know who do the most good, who love others in profoundly meaningful ways, are people who are comfortable in their own skin. When we are not focused on ourselves, we are free to focus on others, and seek to promote their well-being.

When we're lost in the world of our insecurities? We are trapped, and immobilized. We recognize lies to be truth and beat ourselves over the heads with them. We accept darkness as our home, and begin to waste away beside the poison pool. Worst of all, we are too distracted to lift our gaze to the needs of others.

I know I haven't talked about this part yet, but the primary role for those who live in the Land of Grace is to love others WELL. That often means going into the Shadowlands, actually, and bringing light with them. That's another blog though.

The point is, however, if we lose ourselves in these shadowy places, we lose the freedom and lightness of joy that comes from loving others well.

I just read this passage a couple nights ago:

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
Gal. 5:13-15

We are called to be FREE, and in that freedom, we are called to serve each other in love. Pretty difficult to do if you're tied up in snaky vines, lost in a pool of self-absorption.

So how did I get out of that shadow grove? Let's get back to the real world.

Well, first I went to church. That was sort of like Jesus coming along and throwing a rock in the pool. The reflection shatters, and I look up startled.

"Hey! Remember me? Remember the light back there? Stop soaking yourself with lies, daughter."

And then-- God was so nice to do this-- the girl I happened to sit next to at church turned to me after the service and said, "Greta, right?"

Surprised, I said, "Yes!"

"I'm sure you don't remember me, but I was a freshman when you were the ministry intern at my college," she said. "You sang a song once about studying abroad, and it seriously changed my life." She started to get teary. "I ended up studying abroad and had a really bad experience, and I used to think of your song lyrics all the time. Just-- know that you are affecting lives for the Lord more than you could ever know."

I stared back at her with my jaw dropped. "Well, I've been in a grumpy funk all day, so right now God is using YOU to encourage ME!"

And that was sort of like Jesus taking my hand and YANKING me up out of those ivy snakes, snapping every one of them.

"Come back to light. Come back to grace," He says. "Remember who you are, what I've created you to do. Dance in freedom and love, and show my sons and daughters how much I love them."

One of the surest ways to keep yourselves OUT of the Land of Grace is the Comparison Game. When we compare ourselves to others, or when we compare the people we love to others, we will be disappointed. And how's this for irony? Most often, the people we're comparing ourselves or others TO are just as insecure and flawed as we are. Comparisons will almost always lead us to this poisoned pool. The longer we stay there, the more trapped we become-- we may even come close to drowning in our own lying reflection.

Getting back to Grace, I think, requires remembering Truth:
We have ALL fallen short.
NO ONE has it all together.
We are loved.
There is purpose in the trial you are undergoing.
God sees what we're going through, loves us in our mess, and is working to bring our lives towards what is good.

And if remembering all of that STILL fails to pull you out of your funk, sometimes I think forcing yourself to love someone else is a good way to snap yourself out of that poison pool. Because if you're looking to love someone else, your focus HAS to lift out of that pool right?

That's enough for now.