Getting out of the Towers

Got a bit of a series going. If this post seems confusing, check out:
Pits, Towers, Fields and Dancing
and
... Thoughts on Sheep

The Valley of the Towers, remember, is a confining place. People lock themselves in their Tower rooms, and follow the rules which cover their walls. They do everything they can to identify the SHOULDs: what they should look like, who they should be, how they should feel, what they should do... And they are adament about doing those SHOULDs and making sure other people do those SHOULDs as well. If they fail to do a should (I don't look like I should today...!) they feel like a big, fat failure. They often are more concerned with the WHAT (what should I do, when...? what should others do, when...?) rather than WHY. Literally speaking, we could consider the Towers to be symbolic of institutions that promote religious rituals or dogmatic thinking, while missing the point of Christian spirituality: intimacy with Christ.

In this blogger's opinion, the Towers are not a great place to be. Nor are they much fun.

You can get out of the Towers a number of ways:

1.) Sneaking out and sneaking back in.
The Tower Sneakers are those people that are desperate to be free from the Towers, but don't want to disappoint all the other Tower people who think Tower-living is the end-all, be-all. Generally, they feel ashamed for wanting to get away from the Towers for a little while, and they KNOW that if the Tower people found out, they'd condemn the person for doing a SHOULD-NOT. Therefore, this type of Tower fleeing is done very sneakily, and very shamefully. When this person returns to their Tower room, they will either be that much more adament about keeping the SHOULDs and the SHOULD-NOTs and will emphasize that everyone else keep them too (consider: politicians like Larry Craig who are vehemently outspoken against gay marriage, but then are caught soliciting sex from other men in an airport bathroom)-- OR, they will "officially" toe the line, while looking for other people who feel the same way they do, and can join them in their sneaking.
Real Life Tower Sneakers:
-----> My high-schoolers who are perfect and "Christian" at school, but who drink, do drugs, essentially put on a totally different identity, once they're outside the school walls.
-----> People who have affairs
-----> People who have hidden addictions

2.) Escaping and Running Away
This is a much bolder way of getting out of the Towers. These are the people that are so damn sick of Tower living, they're ready to do anything to escape. Maybe these people have played the SHOULD and SHOULD-NOT games so meticulously and with such a frozen smile on their faces for so long that they're ready to explode. Or, maybe they've snuck away so often that they've determined they'd rather have THAT "shameful" existence than Tower living-- ANYTHING but Tower living. In any case, once these people escape the Towers, they run as fast and as far as they can, and they don't look back. Their escape may be a tying-sheets-together-and-sneaking-out-the-window kind (i.e. gradually distancing oneself from the church and severing ties with Church people); it may be a quiet elevator straight to the ground without a word or a glance back (i.e. a sudden disappearance of someone who used to be a Church regular); or, it may be a dramatic LEAP from the window (i.e. a dramatic fall-out with the Church). One thing is clear: they've concluded they can't take it anymore and don't EVER want to live in the Towers again.
Real Life Tower Leapers:
-----> People who leave their spouses and/or families
-----> People who suddenly transform from Christian "goody-two-shoes" into wildly different characters-- they cut off most if not all friends and dramatically transform. People that I've known who do this have changed their names, dyed their hair, gotten tattoos, gotten into drugs, made all new friends in a dramatically different cultural setting, etc.
-----> People who throw themselves into addictions

3.) Excommunication
This is the saddest type of Tower exit, because it's forced on someone who probably actually loves the Tower people, even though they probably don't like Tower living. These people basically "suck" at Tower living. They do, when they SHOULD-NOT. They don't when they SHOULD. Maybe they fall into temptation a lot; maybe they're gay; maybe they're divorced; maybe they have tons of tattoos; maybe they're obese. In any case, they've broken the Tower rules so many times-- either accidentally or on purpose-- that their imperfection is flagrant and the Tower people come down on them HARD. Ultimately, the Tower people evict them from the Towers, or perhaps, to a lesser extent, put them in a smaller cell or in solitary confinement or "punish" them somehow. These people will at first probably feel tremendous grief at losing their place in the Towers, but most likely, this will later turn into profound bitterness. They will probably never try to return to the Towers, or anything remotely LIKE the Towers because 1.) they failed at Tower living, 2.) they feel great bitterness towards the Towers, and 3.)-- most profoundly-- they feel hated by the Tower people.
Real Life Tower Excommunicates:
-----> Anyone who's ever been kicked out of church (or, for that matter, a Christian private school) because of their "sin."
-----> Often, homosexuals who come out, or who are found out
-----> I think couples often punish each other for failing to meet the SHOULDs or SHOULD-NOTs. They may inflict smaller degrees of punishment, but it is along these same lines. This can result in one or both becoming Tower Sneakers.

4.) Those for whom the Tower crumbles.
These people have probably been GREAT at Tower living. They're probably great at following codes, and formulas, and even writing NEW formulas and following all of the SHOULDs and SHOULD-NOTs. But at some point, something alarming happens. Despite all their safety precautions, despite following all the rules-- the Tower begins to crumble. The certainty of the Towers is challenged-- the simple black and white is overwhelmed with a bewildering fog of gray. These people wish badly they could stay in the Towers and they might frantically try to repair crumbling 2x4s with new bricks of formula, new boards of rules. Still, it's only a matter of time before the Tower topples, leading these poor people searching for certainty, searching for Truth, desperate for protection. It's terrifying when a Tower crumbles... but probably the best thing that could ever happen to a Tower-clinger in the long run.
Real Life Tower Crumblers:
-----> Anyone who's ever had an expectation of God that He didn't meet.
-----> Anyone who's ever experienced a tragedy that seems senseless.
-----> Anyone who's ever been massively disappointed by someone they trusted and believed in.
-----> Anyone whose formulas for success have failed.
-----> Me.

5.) The Graceful Exit
I suppose it's possible for someone to gradually wake up to the destructive ideology of the Towers and to gently put in their two weeks notice, bid warm heartfelt goodbyes to the Tower people, and smoothly transition to the Land of Grace while maintaining strong friendships with the Tower people. How often does that happen though? I'd love to know the secret of how to accomplish the Graceful exit.

Blogs to come:
How to get into the Land of Grace
What keeps you OUT of the Land of Grace
What puts or keeps people in the Towers
Where the rubber hits the road: an anecdote (or two) of how this analogy is practically changing my interactions with people, and my understanding of grace
The Shadowlands
Exploring the Land of Grace: pits, seasons, paths, view-points, and fences

Stay tuned.