The Tower Dweller's Lie: it all depends on us

Previous blogs in this series:
1-- Pits, Towers, Fields and Dancing
2-- ... Thoughts on Sheep
3-- Getting out of the Towers
4-- The Shadowlands
5-- The Land of Grace: Casting Shadows
6-- When the Tower Crumbles: Getting to the Land of Grace
7-- A Disclaimer
8-- Holy Scripture, Batman
9--Shadows in the Land of Grace: the Comparison Game
10-- The ONLY One-- Other trips into the Land of Grace
11-- Real Life: one person's story of getting to the Land of Grace

Hey blogging world-- I've been gone for a bit. I finished up with school... my second year of teaching is DONE! I'm getting ready to head off to South Africa in a couple weeks, at which point this series will subside for a time and South Africa will emerge as the primary focus. I think I've also taken some time away from this series because the ideas haven't come as rapidly. I honestly believe all these "ideas" are coming from one main Source-- i.e. God-- and, whether it's because I haven't been as intentional about writing and processing in my journal, or whether it's because this analogy articulates itself as I live life-- the next idea has taken a while to arrive.

But it's here now, so I'll try to break it down.

Let's go back to the Towers-- let's go back to those people who are trying so hard to live life correctly, and to keep themselves safe, and are fearful of making shadows or letting people down, and are missing the best part of Grace: freedom.

I've realized that one of the most seductive lies which keeps people in the Towers is the idea that the Tower people have more power than they actually do. How do they think they have power? Here are some examples of Tower thinking:

"If I just read my Bible enough and pray with enough faith, everything in my life will go well."
"My friend is hurting and is making terrible decisions; I need to help them somehow."
"My girlfriend means SO MUCH to me, and I want to be her everything. I want to save her-- I want to fulfill her completely."
"My boyfriend is so far from God; I need to convince him that God is his one and only Savior."
"Things are not going how I want them to go right now. I need to do something different; something must be wrong with me."
"I'm afraid that [this bad thing] might happen. So I'll make sure I do [this, and this, and this] to protect myself from that EVER happening."

And so on.

These lies are deceptive because there's a lot of truth in them-- if our lives suck, it's probably the most practical first step to do some serious self-evaluation and to consider where we might make some healthy changes. Or if someone in our life is clearly hurting-- I don't think we should just sit idly by and let them suffer. We probably should DO something. And obviously, if we make healthy life choices, we'll set ourselves up to avoid pain. However, these "formulas" for success don't always work and in the moments when they fail, the Tower crumbles. The thing we'd feared most happens after all, and all our deposits into the safety account come up bankrupt. True safety cannot be found in the Towers; no matter how hard WE try, life and living will be dangerous, confusing, and risky.

This is my point: where Tower Thinking falls short is that it fails to acknowledge that we as people are SMALL.

Insulted?

Don't be. This should come as a giant relief.

I remember around this time last year, driving home from counseling, considering all the people in my life who were stressing me out and who I wanted to change and suddenly it hit me like an ocean storm:

"I am SMALL. I am not that powerful! I can't change anyone-- all I can do is pray, and give people over to the Lord, and love them as best I can in the meantime."

Haha-- ironically, "Lay Em Down" by Needtobreathe is playing on Pandora right now.

That is what this TRUTH allows us to do: we can lay down our burdens. We can LET THEM GO.

Just this winter, again, I was stressing to my friend Shannon about a situation in my life that hadn't played out the way I wanted it to. I had a crush on a guy but I hadn't followed up with him-- mostly because I felt like God wanted me to chill out and pursue things with HIM for a while. But then I found out this guy had gotten back together with his girlfriend and I said to Shannon, "Shannon-- what if I missed my opportunity? This guy had totally showed interest in me! What if I just ruined what could have been a great thing?"

"Greta, you're not that big," she told me. "You are not powerful enough to mess up God's plan. If he's meant to come back into your life, he'll come back into your life."

What a RELIEF those words were to hear. It doesn't ALL depend on me. I am not that powerful! And thus, I can relinquish control; and thus, I can stop feeling so afraid that I'll mess up somehow; and thus, I can relax into freedom and trust in God.

Speaking of trusting God: I'll tell you the other way that Tower Thinking falls short. It fails to take into account the power of God.

We FEAR because we don't actually think He is as powerful as He says He is. And if He isn't as powerful as He claims to be, well then IT ALL DEPENDS ON US. I remember confronting this lie when I was looking for a teaching job. The economy had taken a nose dive, there were NO teaching jobs, and I was one of countless, jobless grad-student peons looking for employment. There was NO way I was going to find a job.

Tower Thinking in those moments is terrified. Because if it all depends on us, we're sunk. There is NO way we will be okay.

But-- as Annie once told me, "God will tax the farthest star to provide for His children." He is SO powerful, guys. And the more my own plans go awry, and the more His plans in my life play out, the more I recognize that He is powerful and that He is sovereign.

And I found a teaching job. Improbably. Impossibly. Because of Him, because He is that powerful.

And my whole first year of teaching, when I went through a season where I couldn't make it through a morning without crying, and I had to beg God to get me through the day because there was no WAY I could do this on my own...? I never broke down in front of the students. God got me through, and the year ended on an unbelievably awesome note. Not because I was powerful, but because He was powerful.

And furthermore-- the guy I had a crush on? He came back into my life with no prodding or cajoling or string-pulling from me. And I don't know where that's going, but God is sure doing awesome things in the meantime, and it wasn't ME that pulled this guy back into my life-- it was something far more powerful.

One last warning about this Tower Lie: if we think that it all depends on us, and that God is perhaps not as powerful as He claims-- well then, we also assume that everything depends on our other Tower Dwellers.

In other words, we think that THEY are more powerful than they actually are. Our fellow humans, in this light, are responsible for far more than they could ever actually be entrusted with.
They should fulfill.
They should not mess up.
They should perform with absolute consistency.
They should behave themselves.
They should give us what we need.

And if they don't, then they are failures, and they should never be trusted. Our psyches can become incredibly damaged by viewing others in this light-- we can become incredibly cynical and bitter about human nature if we expect others to be more than mere sinners: made in the image of God but with a knack for messing up. It does NOT all depend on other people-- it does all depend on God.

Once again though, I feel the need to assert that there are many areas of gray in all these considerations. Just as (I believe) the concepts of predestination and free-will somehow seem to co-exist, the concepts of human responsibility and Divine sovereignty must work in tandem. Sometimes God calls us to act, and then we must act. Sometimes God calls us to Be Still, and then we should simply Be Still. Sometimes God calls us to intervene, and then we must speak. Sometimes God calls us to Cease in Striving, and then we should simply rest. Sometimes God calls us to speak tough truth into someone's life; sometimes He calls us simply to let go and forgive.

Remember? There are no sure-fire formulas that work 100% of the time. That's why we must DANCE with our God; sometimes we need to move forward; sometimes we need to move back. Dancing requires close attention to our partner; it requires intimacy and listening. We must listen, and let Him lead. We must let HIM lead.

If we accept Grace for being small...
If we extend Grace to others for being small...
If we trust that God is, in fact, as powerful as He says He is...

Then, dears-- we find freedom.