From the Traveling Archives

A bit of humor for you, via a silly evening in Nice with some Aussie boys that never made it onto the blog. Enjoy!

Setting: In our Nice (but not really nice) hostel room, which is almost entirely taken up by four bunks. Heidi and I are both in top bunks, our Irish lassies are both in bottom bunks. Lorna's bottom bunk is RIGHT by the bathroom door. There is one open window looking out onto the street.

Adrian: (Adrian is absolutely gorgeous, sweet-tempered, tall, tan, bright blue eyes. He stumbles in. Looks around drunkenly.) Oh... everyone's here. Hi... girls.
Chris: (Chris is short, with a good body, very tan, spry; cute but not gorgeous. He comes in chipper.) Hiii ladies! Here's the birthday boy! Come on Adrian. Let's change and let's go.
Adrian: (Leans against my bunk.) I'm a bit... sorry girls... I'm a bit rubbish.
Chris: Here's your water. Drink up. You'll be fine mate!
Adrian: I'm not... I'm... (Smiles weakly at me.) So sorry...
Greta: Don't apologize Adrian, you're fine!
Chris: Right then! Drink your water mate. You can do it!
Adrian: I don't think I can... I think... (Lowers his head between his folded arms on my bunk.) Unnngh....
Chris: (Cheerfully.) He's had a bit too many. That's alright. It's your birthday!
Adrian: So... embarrassed. It's only 10:30...
Greta: Don't worry about it, they can totally sneak up on you.
Chris: C'mon mate. We're going back out. I need to change my shirt... (Starts rummaging through pack.) I've lost so many t-shirts on this trip! Come on mate. You'll be fine. We'll just keep bringing you water!
Adrian: It's not like water is the...Savior...of all....Unngghhhh....
Greta: How you doing?
Adrian: (Smiles weakly.) What's-- what's your name again?
Greta: It's Greta.
Adrian: That's right-- I-- unnghhh-- excuse me-- (Goes to bathroom quickly, shuts door.)
Chris: You a'right mate? That's good, puke it up, room for more! (Grins triumphantly at us girls.) I've lost so many t-shirts on this trip! (Strips off his current one. Puts on a blue NY one.)
Greta: Chris, I think that is an EXCELLENT t-shirt.
Chris: Really?
Greta: That is an amazing t-shirt.
Chris: (Looks at me skeptically.) Naaah... (Strips it off.) This one better? I don't like NY anyway!
Greta: Oh, I was teasing you Chris, it really was a fine t-shirt!
Heidi: They're both good.
Chris: Which do you like better? Blue? Or green?
Heidi: Umm... both. But the green a tiny bit more. What's it say?
Chris: Erm, it says, uh... Mossimo... WARRIORS! Hunh! (Flexes and grunts.) Come on mate! (Goes and knocks on bathroom door.) Come on. Let's go.
Adrian: (Inaudible moaning)
Chris: Should I come in? You want me to? Sh, ladies, shh, it's alright, this is gentlemen stuff. (Grins and postures, waggles his eyebrows. Backs into the bathroom, shushing and posturing.) Sh, ladies-- just one mo'--
Adrian: (Groaning)
Chris: We'll get you water. Come on mate. Puke it up and let's go. (Pause-- moaning.) You're alright. It's your birthday.
Adrian: (LOUD SUDDEN RETCHING.)
Chris: Oohhh...
Adrian: (RETCHING. VIOLENT SOUNDS OF RETCHING.)
Chris: It's your birthday.
Adrian: (Coughs. More retching.)
Chris: (Comes out of bathroom cheerfully.) Well, he's not going anywhere! Here's the rubbish bin, just in case he, you know, needs a little help. He's havin' a poo. You know-- UNNGGHHH! (Mimes pooping. Grins delightedly.) Unnggh! Havin' a poo. Lots of trouble. UNNGH! (Dances around the room, "pooing.")
Heidi: We're sorry for being noisy last night-- we hope we didn't wake you up!
Chris: What?? No. You didn't at all! You must have been- like-- TIP TOEING! Sh! And lookin' over your shoulder-- sh! And-- oh! (Starts to climb up Heidi's bunk and pauses dramatically, looking over his shoulder.) Oh! Shh! And oh! Tip toeing! (Swings back down.) Come on, you girls should come out.
Greta: We have to catch an early train...
Heidi: We have to be up by 7:15.
Chris: What time? I'm going to set my alarm. Yours will go off. Then- mine. 7:15. DONE.
Laragh: What about us? We don't want to wake up so early.
Chris: Aaaah! Hi! What's your name?
Laragh: Laragh.
Chris: Laura! And you?
Lorna: Lorna.
Chris: You Irish? Look at your book!! (Lorna is reading Danielle Steele.) That's too many pages.
Lorna: Yea, Irish, yea.
Chris: I'm Irish!! Well, Australian. But Irish heritage! And Cuddles is Irish.
Laragh: Who's Cuddles?
Chris: Oh-- the other Chris. Two of us. But-- we call him Cuddles cause he's a bit chubby. (Looks over at me. Gasps.) What??? (Comes over close, peers right into my face.) You're... gorgeous!!
Greta: Thank you...
Chris: (To Heidi) She's... GORGEOUS!
Heidi: I know, she IS!
Chris: (Looks back at me. Shakes his head.) Wow. You're. Bloody gorgeous. Gosh.
Heidi: You should really turn your alarm off, you don't need to kill yourself getting up early for our sakes.
Chris: No! I've got it! What time again? 10:15?
Heidi: (Pauses.) Yes.
Laragh: Quarter to eleven.
Chris: What?
Heidi: Quarter to twelve.
Chris: Nooo... I've just been to Italy, I see Pinocchio noses on all o' you! (Friends yell at him from the street below.) Excuse me ladies-- (yells out window) STOP BEIN' SO LOUD, SOME OF US ARE TRYIN' TO SLEEP!!! (Looks at us, delighted.) Someone got me drunk! Don't know how it happened. I should get goin'. Night ladies!! (Leaves.)
Adrian: (Has been loudly retching this whole time. Finally-- after about 10 minutes-- he exits the bathroom and swings precariously from the bathroom door. Lorna reels from the smell. Adrian is an absolute mess, pants undone, incapacitated. Stumbles to bed in his cowboy boots and passes out.)

The end. :)

Mes pieds sont mal

Pronounced: may peed sone maal
Means: My feet hurt

-Woke up at 10am; got ready in the dark as dorm-mates were sleeping, and squabbled in whispers. Met the friendly blue-eyed hostel man, who assured me that he did not hate Americans. 'They are my beez-nees! Eef I 'ate Amereecans...I go out of monee!' Ate a delicious petit-dejeuner (breakfast) at a nearby cafe and went out walking. Oh-- et voila: the previously mentioned sex shop JUST across the street from our hostel. It wasn't open. C'est domage.

-Found the beach. What a nice beach. Get it... NICE... Oh and I didn't even MEAN to do that... Ross, be proud.

-Near the beach, we spotted a series of stone stairs leading high up yonder, so we climbed them. Not only did we see gorgeous panoramic views of the city, but we also found the SWEETEST ACCORDIAN PLAYER MAN THAT WILL HITHERTO BE MY ACCORDIAN MAN FRIEND. He gave us his card, and asked us to send us this picture when we get home:

-At the top of the stairs was this fabulous series of parks, waterfalls, ancient cemetaries, and ruins. So pleased with our accidental find.

-Heidi made me do silly things.

-Went down into the Old Town: classic small alleyways, brightly painted shutters, little markets, clothes hanging from the lines, motorcycles roaring through and scaring small children. Er, tourists.

-Interessant: I'm doing fairly well communicating with people in french, but Heidi's actually better than me at understanding what people are saying. I think I get flustered and am trying so hard to listen for what exactly they're saying...That I miss it altogether. Heidi on the other hand, takes the few key words combined with the gestures... And explains it to me. What. I must improve. Or else listen after one or two glasses of wine.

-Oh, we had WINE LAST NIGHT AND IT WAS FANTASTIC. Annie: I thought of you.

-Both of us feeling self concious about our clothing. There is an H&M here. Might be adding a few more Frenchish things to my already packed pack.

Click on Heidi's blog in the side-bar for her take on the morning, and some pictures.

We're having fun. :)

Nous avons arrive!

Pronounced: nooz ah-von ah-ree-vay
Means: WE HAVE ARRIVED!

Bullet points since we have limited internet time:
- The trip was gloriously boring. No delays, no lost bags, no annoying adjacent passengers, no turbuloso turbulence... Thanks to all who prayed for travel mercies-- it was wonderfully uneventful!

-...Except when I accidentally entered the country in London during our layover, which meant Heidi had to enter it too, which meant we had to go BACK through security, but not before getting hopelessly lost in the mad maze that is Heathrow. So much for being the experienced traveller. Whoops!

- Heidi drank, YES DRANK (SPU lifestyle expectations are NO MORE!!) a mini bottle of wine on the plane! And was adorably dizzy afterwards. Ma francais mission: help her grow her tolerance just a teeny bit.

- Our hostel is clean and the people are friendly. It is also across the street from a sex shop, called 'No Taboo.' Heidi and I intend to give it a thorough going-over tomorrow.

- Supposed to rain tomorrow- awesome. But whatever-- we're in Europe, so we will be rained on in fabulous french phrases.

Thanks to all who are commenting-- I think that will be the easiest way to keep in contact with folks, through the posting and commenting, so please keep it up! :)