Jubilant

This was the word that popped into my head as I walked back home from Greenlake today, beach towel in hand: jubilant.

I feel jubilant right now.

AND I LOVE SUMMER VACATION.

I love sleeping in. I love reading for fun. I love getting to wear whatever I want and not having to worry if it looks too young or if it might look somehow too alluring to a teenage boy. I love staying up until 1AM on a Tuesday night and not needing to worry about the consequences of doing so. I love getting together with friends on a weekday. I love weather that's warm enough to accommodate a 10PM dock sit. I even love being single again-- didn't think THAT sentiment would arrive for a while, but lo and behold-- I love getting to, once again, be a young, flirty 20-something.

Jubilant, of course, comes from the word "jubilee." I've always enjoyed the word "jubilee." I remember, when I lived down in Malibu doing college ministry at Pepperdine, I started working my way through the "One Year Bible." On my birthday, I decided to treat myself to beach-Bible-read, so I drove down to the beach, skipped along Zuma, found an vacant adirondack chair, dug my feet in the warm sand, and happily started reading out loud to myself, doing lots of different voices. The Old Testament entry that happened to correspond with my birthday discussed the Year of the Jubilee-- the year in which all slaves become free, all land is returned to its original owner, the land is given a year of "rest," and people basically celebrate freedom and provision. Every time I read the word "jubilee" I crowed it: "jubileeeee!" I cracked myself up, reading the Old Testament to myself there on the beach. "Jubilee" is just the happiest sounding word.

In fact, if I ever marry someone who harbors any hippy leanings whatsoever, I think I'm going to try to convince him that we should name our first daughter, "Jubilee Grace."

I just love the concept, you know? That idea of declaring FREEDOM for all-- "Jubilee" is like a decisive, celebratory, universally agreed-upon reset button.

And you know what friends? I have so long been in need of freedom. And I don't mean freedom from people, or freedom from some sort of authority figure-- I mean I've needed freedom from myself, and the shackles I've clad around my soul in the name of fear, and insecurity, and pessimism. For so long, I've submitted to those demon voices-- in the midst of towering waves of troubling life circumstances, I've clung to fear as though it were a life preserver, instead of climbing into the waiting ship called Trust. I've needed freedom.

And-- I'm starting to get FREE!

It's a wide open field, it's a long white beach, it's wildflowers tossed in the breeze, it's the confidence that things will be all right, no matter what-- it's forgiveness, it's that reset button, it's allowing myself to be imperfect, and allowing others to be imperfect because they feel pain too-- it's compassion instead of anger, it's empathy instead of judgment, it's bare feet, it's a crinkled nose, it's letting go, it's a buoyant lifting off and lifting up and looking towards heaven.

It's a summer for the soul.

I feel jubilant today.

Wheeeee!