Annie wrote a comment to my last blog, saying that she wished we could all go to prom again as adults. I thought, "Haha! That WOULD be fun!" but then thought: "Wait... aren't going to weddings sort of the adult version of prom?" After all-- both involve boutonnieres, dancing, and dresses. But, it turns out, they are not the same.
This is why:
1.) Weddings usually involve drinking. In fact, there are featured toasts-- there is GLORIFIED drinking. Proms mean no drinking OR ELSE. If it is done, it is done covertly. And chaperones must not drink at all. If they do, they get their certification taken away. If the chaperone is a student-teaching intern, and is essentially a glorified volunteer, she can't get stripped of her certification, but she WOULD get a big scowl.
2.) At prom, you vote on the king and queen and it's revealed as a big surprise. At weddings, you pretty much know.
3.) At weddings, you don't have to worry so much about a 9th grader asking you to dance. And if it DID happen at a wedding, you could just laugh about it and humor the kid, rather than awkwardly avoiding the question and then going to hide behind your mentor.
4.) At weddings, there's one MAIN couple, and if they get a little dirty on the dance floor, everyone just thinks it's cute. At prom, there are lots of thrown-together couples, and they ALL get dirty on the dance floor, and it's gross.
5.) At prom, there are no humiliating bouquet tosses where the single 20-somethings out slink out and acknowledge with a wave and a grim smile, "Yep! Still coming out for these...!"
6.) At weddings, you don't have to worry so much about students needing to explain to their dates, "No, she's actually a teacher. I know, she looks YOUNG, huh??"
7.) At prom, there are treats. At weddings, there are buffets.
8.) At weddings, you can dance however you want. At prom-- if you're chaperoning, anyway-- you have to make sure you don't move your hips around too much.
9.) At weddings, you're usually not worried about acne anymore.
10.) At weddings, there is lots of crying. At prom, there is lots of grinding.
Some things really are the same though... The girls spend all day long getting ready. The guys throw on a tux, brush their hair, and call it good... The DJs are bad, no matter what... Everyone always looks great, all cleaned up... There are awkward slow dances at both, and awkward conversations and both, and let's be real, do we EVER move beyond the awkward stage?
But in any case, there is dancing. And there are friends. And there are good times. And BOTH occasions provide an excellent excuse to get a new dress...
So celebrate good times, come on.
Showing posts with label weddings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weddings. Show all posts
May 25, 2009
Aug 3, 2008
Something New
This weekend I went to my friend Morgan's wedding. Got dressed; curled hair; assembled purse; applied lip gloss. Rolled eyes as I walked out the door. "Hopefully this won't be miserable."
That's a terrible thing to say-- but there are certain times and certain circumstances that can make a person very reluctant to go to such a happy celebration. I went to a wedding last weekend too. It was such a nice wedding. I bawled my way through the Dad's toast. And unfortunately they weren't happy tears. Later ran out to the gazebo and let loose a cell phone litany of wedding woes to a dear friend. Maybe it's like Christmas to people who don't have good family situations, you know? Christmas should be happy, but sometimes it's just not. I sort of felt like that last weekend.
I talked about perceptions in the last post. I've had blackened eyes lately. I drove to Morgan's wedding practicing a smile in the rear-view mirror, trying to make it reach my eyes. Morgs had asked me to read scripture, which had made me feel really privileged. I'd practiced at home. I wanted to do a good job, and help make her happy day HAPPY, I wanted to contribute to a feeling of hopefulness, even if I felt anything but.
Her fiance, Mike, was greeting people at the front of the church. He saw me, and called out, "Greta!" and gave me a big hug, and I remembered why I always liked him so much. Mike is tall, and strong, and he's got the biggest silly grin. The first time I ever met Mike, he'd just driven three hours to see Morgan and he couldn't make eye contact with me long enough to shake my hand because he kept grinning at Morgs. That's when I decided I liked him. Mike ushered me into the church and found the wedding planner who would tell me when to read the scripture-- he made sure I was squared away and then left me with his signature grin to go back out front.
The church was breath-taking. All of my sorority girls were there-- I'd felt very uncertain to see them because it's hard to be happy on the surface when there's a lot going on underneath. I smiled, and tried to make it reach my eyes.
The wedding started.
Morgan was laughing and crying all the way down the aisle-- she's normally very funny and sarcastic so it was sweet to see her be so appropriately basket-cased. The pastor did a great job, and he kept faith in God a large part of the ceremony. That was great for me-- Morgan and I have talked a lot about God and faith since we were college seniors, but we'd been friends for a long time before that. It's become a big part of her heart lately, and it felt right to hear the pastor talk about a nail-pierced hand covering hers and Mike's in blessing, in salute, in encouragement, in promise. The two of them deserve that.
Jess and I went up to read scripture. Jess has a soothing, calm voice. I read Ecclesiastes after she finished with Ephesians-- my passage was about how "two are better than one," and when I looked up Morgan's specified passage initially, I thought, "Oh wow. Well this is just ironic." But I read it in the church, and it wasn't ironic, and it didn't feel like an opportunity for sarcasm, and I didn't feel bad about it. It was just good:
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
I read it slowly, letting pictures form in my head as I spoke. I thought of lying down next to someone, and being bolstered by the presence of that dear, warm friend. I thought of Morgan and Mike standing back to back, ready to battle anyone that threatened them. I thought of falling, and of having that hand extended, ready. I thought, "Two IS a good thing-- it's meant to be a good thing, and it CAN be a good thing." I turned around and looked at Morgan and Mike behind me, and Mike grinned big, and Morgan winked.
The pastor read adjectives describing the two of them that their parents had contributed. He described Mike as so kind-hearted, and considerate, which I had seen to be abundantly true. He described him as "frisky" which made everyone laugh. Morgan, he described as spunky, funny, as exuding warmth which I think is probably the best way to describe her. There's a reason my entire sorority pledge class came out for Morgan-- she, more than anyone else, had made everyone in our class feel listened to, and respected, and enjoyed. The pastor read the words that had been used to describe them together. "Best friends. Team mates." And my eyes stung with happy-- happy-- tears because they ARE such a team. From day one, they've been each other equals, campadres, boosters-upper. I watched this big strong man, and this tall elegant confident woman cry their ways through their vows and sparkle at each other.
I thought, "This is it. This is the right thing. It exists, and it is so, so good. I can hope for this. I can believe in this."
Because you see, I haven't known what to hope for lately. I haven't been able to come up with a potential happy ending that could fix where we're at lately. "We" are sitting in the mud, these days. I've sort of thought, "This is it, this is really the end of life as I know it, things aren't ever going to be the same again." But that's not true. They'll be different-- things will be very different- but they're not OVER. And I'm only 24. I still have my whole life to live. I get to lay my own bricks, choose my own path, I can believe that love could WORK for me, I can believe in the Two. If I remain one, that's alright too-- there are passages affirming Ones as well. :) But I suddenly felt seized with the strength of Hope, for either outcome. I don't need to succumb to an ending yet.
I am beginning.
I am beginning still.
And looking at Morgan and Mike gave me some picture of hope. I felt bolstered, and encouraged, and SURE, and renewed. It wasn't a picture that I need to find myself, I don't need to replicate THEM-- I just needed to see that hopeful example of love, and commitment, and of a good man and a good woman.
Later that night, at the reception, I caught the bouquet. I didn't mean to-- I tried going to the back, and off to the side, but it still went right to me, I would have had to dodge to avoid it. I waved it at folks with a roll of my eyes, and made wry retorts when people said, "You're next! You're next!"
But I put it in a vase when I got home. I allowed myself to appreciate it, for all its aesthetic loveliness, for all its sentimental meaning. Why not enjoy a relic from such a happy day?
It was a happy day.
And I'm so grateful to Morgs and Mike for making it so, and for helping me take a crucial step forward. Congrats you guys-- I am so HAPPY for you. :)
That's a terrible thing to say-- but there are certain times and certain circumstances that can make a person very reluctant to go to such a happy celebration. I went to a wedding last weekend too. It was such a nice wedding. I bawled my way through the Dad's toast. And unfortunately they weren't happy tears. Later ran out to the gazebo and let loose a cell phone litany of wedding woes to a dear friend. Maybe it's like Christmas to people who don't have good family situations, you know? Christmas should be happy, but sometimes it's just not. I sort of felt like that last weekend.
I talked about perceptions in the last post. I've had blackened eyes lately. I drove to Morgan's wedding practicing a smile in the rear-view mirror, trying to make it reach my eyes. Morgs had asked me to read scripture, which had made me feel really privileged. I'd practiced at home. I wanted to do a good job, and help make her happy day HAPPY, I wanted to contribute to a feeling of hopefulness, even if I felt anything but.
Her fiance, Mike, was greeting people at the front of the church. He saw me, and called out, "Greta!" and gave me a big hug, and I remembered why I always liked him so much. Mike is tall, and strong, and he's got the biggest silly grin. The first time I ever met Mike, he'd just driven three hours to see Morgan and he couldn't make eye contact with me long enough to shake my hand because he kept grinning at Morgs. That's when I decided I liked him. Mike ushered me into the church and found the wedding planner who would tell me when to read the scripture-- he made sure I was squared away and then left me with his signature grin to go back out front.
The church was breath-taking. All of my sorority girls were there-- I'd felt very uncertain to see them because it's hard to be happy on the surface when there's a lot going on underneath. I smiled, and tried to make it reach my eyes.
The wedding started.
Morgan was laughing and crying all the way down the aisle-- she's normally very funny and sarcastic so it was sweet to see her be so appropriately basket-cased. The pastor did a great job, and he kept faith in God a large part of the ceremony. That was great for me-- Morgan and I have talked a lot about God and faith since we were college seniors, but we'd been friends for a long time before that. It's become a big part of her heart lately, and it felt right to hear the pastor talk about a nail-pierced hand covering hers and Mike's in blessing, in salute, in encouragement, in promise. The two of them deserve that.
Jess and I went up to read scripture. Jess has a soothing, calm voice. I read Ecclesiastes after she finished with Ephesians-- my passage was about how "two are better than one," and when I looked up Morgan's specified passage initially, I thought, "Oh wow. Well this is just ironic." But I read it in the church, and it wasn't ironic, and it didn't feel like an opportunity for sarcasm, and I didn't feel bad about it. It was just good:
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
I read it slowly, letting pictures form in my head as I spoke. I thought of lying down next to someone, and being bolstered by the presence of that dear, warm friend. I thought of Morgan and Mike standing back to back, ready to battle anyone that threatened them. I thought of falling, and of having that hand extended, ready. I thought, "Two IS a good thing-- it's meant to be a good thing, and it CAN be a good thing." I turned around and looked at Morgan and Mike behind me, and Mike grinned big, and Morgan winked.
The pastor read adjectives describing the two of them that their parents had contributed. He described Mike as so kind-hearted, and considerate, which I had seen to be abundantly true. He described him as "frisky" which made everyone laugh. Morgan, he described as spunky, funny, as exuding warmth which I think is probably the best way to describe her. There's a reason my entire sorority pledge class came out for Morgan-- she, more than anyone else, had made everyone in our class feel listened to, and respected, and enjoyed. The pastor read the words that had been used to describe them together. "Best friends. Team mates." And my eyes stung with happy-- happy-- tears because they ARE such a team. From day one, they've been each other equals, campadres, boosters-upper. I watched this big strong man, and this tall elegant confident woman cry their ways through their vows and sparkle at each other.
I thought, "This is it. This is the right thing. It exists, and it is so, so good. I can hope for this. I can believe in this."
Because you see, I haven't known what to hope for lately. I haven't been able to come up with a potential happy ending that could fix where we're at lately. "We" are sitting in the mud, these days. I've sort of thought, "This is it, this is really the end of life as I know it, things aren't ever going to be the same again." But that's not true. They'll be different-- things will be very different- but they're not OVER. And I'm only 24. I still have my whole life to live. I get to lay my own bricks, choose my own path, I can believe that love could WORK for me, I can believe in the Two. If I remain one, that's alright too-- there are passages affirming Ones as well. :) But I suddenly felt seized with the strength of Hope, for either outcome. I don't need to succumb to an ending yet.
I am beginning.
I am beginning still.
And looking at Morgan and Mike gave me some picture of hope. I felt bolstered, and encouraged, and SURE, and renewed. It wasn't a picture that I need to find myself, I don't need to replicate THEM-- I just needed to see that hopeful example of love, and commitment, and of a good man and a good woman.
Later that night, at the reception, I caught the bouquet. I didn't mean to-- I tried going to the back, and off to the side, but it still went right to me, I would have had to dodge to avoid it. I waved it at folks with a roll of my eyes, and made wry retorts when people said, "You're next! You're next!"
But I put it in a vase when I got home. I allowed myself to appreciate it, for all its aesthetic loveliness, for all its sentimental meaning. Why not enjoy a relic from such a happy day?
It was a happy day.
And I'm so grateful to Morgs and Mike for making it so, and for helping me take a crucial step forward. Congrats you guys-- I am so HAPPY for you. :)
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