Flip-Flop

Not referring to the sandals today. Unfortunately.

Today, I started my official "full-time" teaching for the next eight weeks. This means: I'm the boss.

Sort of.

In any case, it means: I'm the one doing the teaching. I'd planned a technologically whoop-de-doo lesson to kick off our new unit on Things Fall Apart, which entailed setting up all our students with blogs. I was nervous that things wouldn't work or that kids wouldn't like it, and blah blah blah, and was NERVOUS.

Also, ack: full time now! Equals NERVOUS.

So third period, I was nervous, and couldn't talk, and bumbled my way through the lesson. There were some frustrating classroom management moments (just a few kids in particular who DO tend to be difficult-- not, I hope, just for me) and at the end of the lesson I thought:

"I'm going to burn out so fast. Why did I pick this as a career? This is hard. The kids are hard. Thinking up lessons every day is hard. Trying to sell the kids on the lessons is hard. Why didn't I just choose a job that entails worrying about ME, not the learning and educations of all these kids? Is it too soon to start a second career? My second career was going to be relationship counseling, but I haven't been married yet. My second career was supposed to start after my first career but my first career hasn't started yet. I'm probably not even going to be able to find a job next year. What am I gonna dooooooo, BAAAAAH."

Etcetera.

But then fifth period (we only had third and fifth today, since it was a Block day) saved me. I know: FIFTH period! The notoriously difficult period! But I had my sea-legs at that point, and was comfortable giving the lesson, and the kids were good during class, and had fun starting up their blogs. So then after THAT class, I thought:

"I can do this. It's fun. It's engaging. I'm good at thinking up creative lessons. I'm good-- mostly-- at keeping the kids in line. This career will be fulfilling. This career will be fine. This career is do-able. I could be good at this. I might even be great at this. I might even love this."

Etcetera.

So it was a tiring, difficult day, and it was a fun, engaging day. And I might burn out so fast, but I really hope I don't. Thinking I need to get a skin thick enough to ride these good vs. not-so-good classes so that ONE of the latter doesn't send me into a downward spiral where I bemoan, and doubt, and quit.

Must not be a flip-flop. Must be a boot.

Or... you know. Something.