Thankful

Last night, I went for another late swim.

There was a thin veil of wispy clouds covering most of the stars, but a yellow half-moon hung low in the sky and made a dizzy ripple on the water. I followed that for a while, chasing the gold through the cool embrace.

I floated on my back, and dreamed up at the sky. Saw a satellite racing, and tried to keep pace with it, backstroking just underneath its distant arc. It was faster than me though, and I had to swim faster and faster until finally I gave up, treading water and catching my breath. When I finally eased back into my sky-view float though, it was just above me: waiting. Keeping time while I rested. As I began to move once more, it eased back into its own wayfaring odyssey and led me, this time, towards shore.

And it felt like a God sort of satellite. I thought of all the chasing, and worry, and reaching of this last year-- all the discouraging moments, all the desperate prayers. I thought of losing my breath, and crumbling-- and of finding Him right beside me when I lifted my tear-bleared eyes: waiting. Ready to carry me, if need be. I thought of God leading me on, of the worn out following, and of deciding finally, "I will trust anyway. Whatever happens, wherever I end up: I will trust Him anyway." And praise God: I find myself on shore. I find myself led to a safe, indescribably beautiful place.

I got a job, friends.

In this horrible economy, with the countless other young teachers vying for positions-- I got a job. I got a GREAT job, at a GREAT school, working for a woman that seems like she'll be a fantastic administrator, and in a community that seems supportive, and truth-centered, and wonderful.

I get to be a teacher next year. I get to be a real teacher.

And even though I know that teaching Senior AP English is going to feel like backstroking faster and longer than I could ever manage, I trust in my Satellite God. I trust that I will be able to find rest when I truly need it, and that He will lead me in the way I need to go, and provide me the instruction I need to give. I trust in His close, beautiful moments, that I will find long yellow moon paths on cool water. I trust in His huge, intimate, vast, swirling embrace-- as big as an ocean, but as close as the water surrounding me, holding me.

I love a GOOD God. There were so many moments of doubt... but I never needed to worry. I just needed to believe.