Update

Last week I talked about how much I hate running.

But! I went with my running group last night, and I ran all the way around the outer loop of Greenlake, and I didn't need to stop ONCE! I ran down to the lake too, and ran home-- I think it was close to 4 or 5 miles in all. I felt stronger, and I'm pretty sure we were going faster.

I bet you anything it's because I was engrossed in conversation.

Engrossed is such an unfortunate word, isn't it? It sounds like the exact opposite of what it means. Words like pungent and diaphanous are delicious because they SOUND just how they MEAN... Not so with engrossed. Engrossed sounds gross.

Anyway: I'm going to keep trying with the running thing. I think I would like to say that, for at least a brief period of my life, I could run a few miles without stopping. I keep telling myself the prime of my life isn't going to last much longer, and I really ought to make the most of it while I'm there.

This is Iris, by the way: Zeus's rainbow messenger, as depicted by Howard David Johnson.


Doesn't she look like she could run fast?

On Running

I hate running. This is a well known fact. I tell everyone.

I LOVE walks however. I love going on walks with my camera and taking little pictures of things I find which are wonderful, like this:


Or like this:



But I hate running.

HOWEVER: in an effort to be more intentional about being active (because I know, ultimately, my body and my psyche love me more when I am active), AND, in an effort to plug into my church community, I joined a running group through my church. It is called, "Fit and Faithful."

I think that's sort of funny.

I forgot to go to the first Fit and Faithful. My sub-conscious continues to rebel against physical strain. I remembered to go to the second one though and, surprise surprise! I LOVED it!

I ran with this fantastic older woman named Anna. The first thing I found out about her is that she's taking a course to learn how to be a black-jack dealer. The second thing I found out about her was that she rides a "Ninja" motorcycle. The third thing, fourth thing, and fifth thing I found out about her respectively, was that she's a glass artist, married her husband two years ago after just five dates, and that she was in the navy.

She's FASCINATING! Also, so nice.

We ran all the way around the outer loop at Greenlake, and I was so delightfully distracted by my running buddy's life story, I only needed to stop once to walk, and it was just for a tiny, titchy bit.

I was so proud of myself.

SO proud, in fact, that I tried going for a second run yesterday, all by myself. I decided that if I was going to keep up with my group, I needed to get myself into relatively decent running shape.

Also, it was a gorgeous fall day. (I am, admittedly, a fair-weather worker-outer. I am a wussy wussy wimp when weather turns AVERSE.)

Despite the gorgeous weather though, my solo run....

Was abysmal.

I ran the inner loop. The short loop. The easy loop. I stopped many times. I felt sore. I felt tired. I had music on, and I hated my I-pod. Hated the music. Hated the whole ordeal.

Even when I pretended I was Iris, Zeus's rainbow messenger, and imagined a rainbow streaming out behind me, I hated running. (I am teaching mythology to my sophomores right now. I like pretending to be Iris.) I was all by myself, and I was tired, and I haaaaaated running.

Then I thought to myself, "No wonder I've never become a runner-- I've always tried to run on my own. I need a RUNNING BUDDY."

I am an extrovert folks. You want an extrovert to do something, give them people to do it with. On my own, when I have the freedom to quit, I give up. But when I'm with people, I suck it up and keep going until I'm finally at the blissful rubbery legs phase where it stops sucking so bad. (Just ask Annie. She's helped me get to the rubbery legs stage before.)

Finally, after huffing and puffing and giving up, I just started walking.

And-- once again-- I was loving life! I saw an autumn tree all lit up by the late afternoon sun, and it looked like something out of Eden. I saw a sweet little family taking pictures by the tree. I saw baby roses. I saw flirting dogs. I saw giant, radiant spider webs. I NOTICED things.

And of course, I wished for my camera. I hadn't brought it because I was planning to run. Curses on running! Curses!

This is my query then: should I just accept that it is not my fate to be a runner? Should I just continue doing what I love, and go on picture walks? Or should I push through the suckage so that I can be a happy deer-like frolicker with my running group? Should I force myself to join the rest of Seattle in pounding the pavement around Greenlake, rather than ambling along it?

And if you think I should do the second, do you know of someone who can be my running friend?

Not Your Energizer Bunny

Dang it. I missed my March 4th blog by two minutes. It was a busy evening. (Good reasons.)

Yesterday, after watching those boys in the parking lot, I felt frustrated and helpless and needed to vent. So, I did something which I NEVER do: I went for a run. Seattle, methinks, is the running capital of life. Everyone runs. Even the plentiful dogs run. I do not run. But: I went for a run.

And as I was jogging around Greenlake, I thought, "This is totally not bad. This actually feels good." Then thought: "This sucks. I hate my life." Then thought, "Sure, walking is totally allowed." Then thought, "Apparently this gets easier though SOMETIME. I have heard tales of people going from running one mile to running many without stopping to walk. So... I guess endurance HAPPENS."

Today at school, we asked both 3rd and 5th period for their typed essays so that we could do peer-reviews. Not one kid had a typed essay ready.

NOT.

ONE.

Isaac said, "I didn't know it was due!"

I almost blew a hernia. I don't know what that means, but I bet I almost did it. "NOT. TRUE," I said. "We have had that assignment and that due date written on the board for the last three days, I have written it everyday!!! We reminded you yesterday. AND, Isaac, I know for a FACT that you knew because I told you PERSONALLY when you stayed after school to get help!"

Luckily, Viola did the volcano. She does the volcano better than I do.

We walked the kids to the library to work on typing their papers. I walked with a new girl, Charlotte. "Charlotte, how are you doing on your paper?" I asked.
"Um, good," she said. "I've been working on it at home, so that's why I don't have anything here."
"Okay. What's your basic thesis?"
"Um... well-- I need help."
"Okay... what are you thinking of writing about?"
"Well... you know. Maybe the title."
"Kite Runner? Okay. Great. So what do you think you want to say about the significance of the title?"
"Well... something... about the kite?"
"... Okay. What about the kite?"
"Well... that's what I need help with."
"Why don't you describe the way the kite is to me."
"... I don't know."

The frustration welled up. It was strong like bull. It was fast like meercat. It was powerful like the Mystical Mad White Rhinoceros, and I COULDN'T STOP IT WHAT THE *H* IS THE MATTER WITH THESE KIDS DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT GRADUATING FROM HIGH-SCHOOL IS AND HOW HARD IS IT REALLY TO READ A NOVEL THAT WAS ON THE BEST-SELLER LIST FOR MONTHS AND WHY CAN'T THEY JUST DO THEIR WORK AND CAN'T THEY EVEN THINK OF A FRICKIN IDEA?!!??!?!!

I took a deep breath. I thought of my Philosophy of Teaching paper (10 pages, submitted it today, booyah), which is all about respecting the kids, and making efforts to understand where they're coming from, and showing them genuine LOVE, and I took another looooong deep breath.

"Okay," I said. "Charlotte. Let's think about the kite."


Endurance will come. These things are less exhausting than they were to begin with, and although they're still exhausting, they're maybe LESS exhausting. Endurance HAPPENS though, right? Unless-- I suppose-- I burn myself out. That also supposedly happens.

But for now, I'm choosing to think that, just as runners put their runner legs to work and get stronger, so shall I put my teacher efforts to work and hope to get stronger. Then, maybe I will be strong, fast, and powerful like those runny-run-runners are. Because those runners feel strong, right? They feel fast, after they stop hating life? They feel powerful when they don't need to walk, don't they?

Just curious. Because... I don't really ever plan to find out.