Bubbling Over

It's 9:30pm. I got up this morning at 7:00am, taught all day until 3:15, went to my grad school class from 4:30 to 7:00pm, came home, ate dinner, and now I need to grade the kids' blog comments.

But I can't do that just yet. I am too FULL.

I am too FULL of excitement, and joy, and inspiration. I LOVE what I'm doing. I love this job! I LOVE teaching!

In the morning, I still sometimes get anxious, and get little butterflies in my stomach. And then I pull into school, and I see all my students-- hanging out, talking, smoking outside the nearby cafe, in their funky outfits-- and I get so EXCITED to see them! I get so excited to talk to them about what they're doing THAT day, what they're thinking TODAY.

I love reading their thoughts on their blogs, and I love reading their comments on one another's. I love seeing a kid like Tre, who got out of juvy earlier this year, who gets contacted by his parole officer all the time, who is HUGE and tough, but who has warmed to Viola and I slowly but surely... I love seeing Tre blog-- write TWO blogs, two whole blogs, when he hasn't turned in a SCRAP of paper all year. And even though the two blogs were about pot and drug cartels (but the first one was about how pot was BAD-- "Things fall apart, like if I have a relapse"), I love that he WROTE, and that he even found a picture to accompany the second! And I love hearing Tre advising his buddy Andre-- who has also been failing all year-- on HIS blog, and I love seeing the two of them check their friend George's blog together and hearing Tre then say, "What?? George hasn't posted anything yet? Loser!"

I loved watching Siaba give a Powerpoint presentation on her childhood in Africa. I loved her passionately describing the city that she lived in, in Cote D'Ivoire, which she pointed out was developed and advanced. And even though I didn't love seeing her break down and cry when describing the war in her country that forced her family to leave, which has killed some of her family members and countrymen, I was unforgettably touched, and moved. And though I ache when I think about the emotional pain she clearly harbors, I love thinking of how we might be able to help her process through some of it by writing, and I love HER.

I love telling them about Tikambe and Clayton-- two of the kiddos that I worked with in Africa-- and seeing the whole class grin as I imitate sweet Clayton's swagger, and tell them about how his cool, sagging jeans always slipped below his naked bum. I love asking the kids to think about joining me in saving money to join up with the Spilling Hope project, to help send money to Uganda to dig fresh-water wells. I loved seeing their eyes change, and grow deep and serious as I told them about how many people die in Africa because of the lack of access to clean water, and I loved that, when I asked them, "Is think something we want to work together towards? I don't want to harass you by forcing you to participate in a charity, but if you want me to bring in a jar or something to collect our change or our cash to help kids like Tikambe or Clayton, I WILL" ... I loved that they told me to YES, bring something in.

I love their poetry. I love their comments on each other's blogs, and their exquisite encouragement of one another. I love their vulnerability, and their strength, and their awkwardness, and their individuality. I love their passion, and their weird outfits. I love their tenacity, and their moods. I love their humor.

Maybe it's not TEACHING so much that I love, but THEM.

No. I love the teaching too.

What a privilege it is, truly-- to be given a role to play in these kids' lives. They are letting me in, and I am overwhelmed and overjoyed with who these kids are. It is the most delightful thing to get to TEACH them-- to invite them and guide them to further discovery.

There are bad days, I know-- I have recorded many a bad day on this blog. But this isn't talking about one SPECIFIC day-- it's not as though I just had one particularly good DAY. This is a bubbling up of the last several weeks-- no, not even that: of the whole year. I have gotten to KNOW these kids... And I love who they are. I love what I'm doing. I love the role I get to play as their teacher.

Whatever difficulties or bad days may come, today, I KNOW: this is what I am meant to do.

And I love that.