Saddle Up

Word of the day: lugubrious. As in: spring break starts in one more week, but I shall be lugubrious until then.

Not true actually. I'm still giddy from the sunshine. Did anyone see Rainier this morning?? Radiant.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Favorite moment from the mock interviews today:

Mike, a tall confident senior, had indicated an interest in applying to "Reber Ranch"-- a glorified pet store, apparently-- so when he entered the classroom I greeted him with a cheerful Southern accent: "Howdy son! What's yer name?"

He responded with a drawl to rival my own: "Howdy! Mah name's Miy-ke."

I looked at Mike, eyebrows raised. "I detect a Suthin' accent. Are yew frum here, Miyke?"

"Yes ma'am!" he replied cheerfully.

I paused. "Then WHY are yew talkin' in a Suthin' accent?"

He looked at me, confused.

"Are you MOCKIN' my accent?"

"No ma'am! I'm jus talkin', same as yew."

"If you are not from the Sayouth, then you should not be talkin' lahk me. Are you mockin' me? I believe you are mockin' me."

He stared at me-- still confused. I said, "I think yew should leave, son. I am not in the habit of workin' with people who like to mock otha people's ways a' talkin'."

He looked at me incredulously. "Are yew serious?" he asked, still in heavy drawl.

I laughed and dropped the character. "Go on kid, get out! If you have an interviewer who speaks with an accent, you can't talk back to them in that same accent if it's not your own, they'll be insulted! Go on, try again."

He hopped back out into the hall, and poked his head back in, eager to please. "Okay! This is Mike's interview-- take two!"

He shut the door-- then swung it open and walked back into the class.

"Howdy son!" I greeted him. "Welcome to Reber Ray-anch!"

"Well thank yew!" he replied. "I 'preciate you havin' me!"

We laughed him out of the classroom. Seconds later, he was poking his head back into the room to say with a grin, "Okay-- this is Mike's interview, take three!"

On take three, he spoke like a good ol' Washingtonian. :)

Tell me about yourself!

Have kicked off the heels and am sitting Indian style in my desk chair, taking an essay grading break. One great big perk of daylight savings: it feels soooo much less lame to be here until 7pm! "It's still light outside! I've got PLENTY of evening left!"

Today's word of the day: filament. As in, The Noiseless Patient Spider, by Whitman. A good SPRINGTIME word, no? When all the world is cautiously creeping forward, reaching tentative petals out of the cold, wintery ground... we are all still fragile filaments-- not yet the robust vines of summer.

But gosh, we're getting there...!

Have been mock-interviewing my Seniors. They're learning a lot, I think-- lots of trouble-shooting as they watch each other, observe what questions seem especially tricky, and visually recognize what looks and sounds good. "Woah... Chris NAILED that! His answers were so good!" "Jane was really confident, she sounded like she knew what she was talking about." "Tom kept saying 'um.'" "What do you think guys? What did they do well? What could they do better? Let's rehearse this so you're ready for the real deal!"

I'm, of course, enjoying the theatrical potential of the mock interviews. For Samantha's mock interview at Doggie Daycare, I pretended to be an effusive old woman who hugged her on the way in and the way out. "Oooooh, honey I just BET you love dogs!! Sweetie, sit down, tell me all about it. Are you a pet parent? We are pet PARENTS here! We love all dogs, even the ugly ones, we show no pet prejudice!"

For Brian and Jake's mock interview at Costco, I pretended to be painfully nervous, shy, and awkward, and didn't make eye contact with them once. They seemed taken aback, but handled themselves well in spite of it. Nice work guys!

Shane had written down that he wanted to apply to be the Husky mascot, so Mel, our school counselor and I pretended to be members of the cheer squad. We were warm and friendly, and bounced around and clapped our hands. We asked him to demonstrate any special mascot moves he had, and made him end his interview by coming up with a cheer. At one point, Mel asked what would he do if a kid kept hitting him, and acted it out herself-- moving around the floor on her knees and hitting his legs: "hey! Give me a high five, hey!" (whack whack whack) "I'm talking to you!"

Trevor wanted to interview at Disney, so Mel played the part of the starry-eyed Disney advocate, in love with the magic of the happiest place on earth. I countered that, playing the part of the embittered, disgruntled employee. I gave Trevor eye-rolls, sarcastic retorts, and pretended to gag anytime either of them mentioned "Disney Magic." Trevor focused his attention on Mel and enthusiastically described his long-held passion for Disneyland-- doing an excellent job to elude my attempts to rain on his Disney parade.

Dan and Clark both wanted to apply at performance bike shops. I borrowed another teacher's bike and-- pacing up and down the classroom energetically and barking questions at the boys-- asked the guys to tell me all about it. The other students were blown away as both boys launched into technical commentary on the bike's frame, its style, its suitability-- especially as I gave them example customers to discuss the bike with. Both of these students typically struggle with Language Arts and often feel discouraged about their abilities in this class, so it was fun to see them impress their peers with their obvious expertise.

After school, a former student dropped by with her new boyfriend. Without meaning to, I launched back into interviewing mode. "George, is it? Great to meet you. So tell me about yourself! ...You're into literature? Excellent! Any favorite books, or favorite authors? ... And George, how would your friends describe you, do you think? Like-- throw out some adjectives." I couldn't help it. Think it caught poor George off guard, but my former student seemed amused. Whoops.

More mock interviews tomorrow. Hooray. :)

Oh, to find a daffodilled quagmire of Greta-people

Word of the day: quagmire.

As in, "Our hike went well until we fell into the quagmire and had to hog-tie the gators."

Or, "Gee! This pile of grading sure has me in a quagmire. How many days left til spring break again?-- er, summer vacation?"

The last definition of quagmire is "anything soft or flabby." Seriously?? As in, a dimpled thigh could be called a quagmire?

That seems a bit harsh, eh? Regardless: it's a fantastic word.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I saw a description of my Myers-Briggs type this weekend. The subtitle describing ENFJ is: "Smooth-talking persuader."

Hey little kid, want some candy?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I had a great weekend. Besides soaking in the looooooong-awaited spring sunshine (spring!! it's SPRING!!!) I finally got around to spending my Anthropologie gift-cards from Christmas and my birthday. HOORAY. Shopping lately has been an interesting experience. I've stopped buying things based on whether or not I like them and more so on whether or not they seem inherently MINE. In Ashland, for example, I tried on a vintage pink twirly dress with yellow ribbon trim, and I knew it belonged to me. Whether or not I bought it (although I DID buy it)-- that dress simply belonged to me. Later I showed the dress to two of my students and they gasped in happy surprise. "We saw that, and we all said it looked like you!"

See? My dress.

At Anthropologie, one drapy shrug inspired me to twirl in the dressing room. If it inspires me to twirl: it's a Greta. Another intricate lace top sang a little Greta-tune. Yep: that's a Me.

I tried on a terrific green blazer, but it inspired no twirling, had entirely conventional buttons, and was undeniably practical. That one did not make it to the register.

It was not mine, see?

I've started applying this philosophy to people as well, which I'm sure is wholly off-base. In conversation with someone, I might think to myself, "What a nice person. What an intelligent, well-rounded person. But this isn't a Greta-type-of-person."

Most people aren't. Kindred spirits are rare for all of us, of course. Most of my friends are not Greta-people, but they are still dearly Greta-beloved.

Still, it's awfully fun to FIND a Greta-person. In those cases, even upon a first acquaintance, friendship seems inevitable. Because, clearly, we BELONG in the same habitat. We KNOW the same little tunes. We are the same rare species! Hallelujah.

I met some fun new people this weekend. Don't think any of them are Greta-people, but golly, are they fun people. When talking to new-friend-Andrew yesterday evening, we decided getting together that night wasn't going to work out after all. "But we'll see each other soon I'm sure," he said. "That's what new friends do, right?"

I like people so much.

And I love blooming crocuses and daffodils and cherry trees so much!!!

Documentation

Ooohhh, blog.

Last night, I looked at my "March 2010" blogs. It's amazing to see and remember where I was just about one year ago. It's crazy, for instance, to remember that just one year ago I was a battered shipwreck. Yet this morning, when I prayed, I imagined myself talking to God on a sunrise shore. We chatted in a beached row-boat while the quiet morning waves lapped the sides, and then finally we pushed off.

And when I considered that I was ship-wrecked just one year ago, and now I'm setting off into that crazy ocean again-- I think, "Wow. Can't believe I got here. Thanks for the healing, God."

Reading my old blogs made me wish I wrote more regularly. I remember very little of what I DON'T get written down.

So how about I write things down that I'd like to remember?

Good things:
- An Ashland trip to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival with my AP class. Felt proud of my students-- I have really classy students. They're polite and intelligent and well-spoken and just CLASSY. Sometimes I miss the rag-tag crew of my student teaching days-- but since I'm with a different crew now, I'm enjoying them for who THEY are.

- One of my AP students, C, has "taken me under her wing." It's almost like I'm a new kid at school and she wants to make sure I have a friend and feel comfortable-- it's incredibly sweet, actually. When we go into chapel, she waves me over, "Miss W! Sit with us!" She and her friend asked to be my Ashland roommates. On the bus ride down, she would call me to the back of the bus and say, "Miss W! Will you tell us stories?" And every once in a while, I'll make a comment in class and she'll stop by my room after school and say, "I just wanted to check in with you and see how things are going..." I sort of love her.

- In fact, C and two other students stopped by my class yesterday after school and we all just talked for a while-- about faith at our school, where students are at, what adults they feel comfortable talking to... I stressed about wishing that our school was a "safe" enough place for kids to openly question aspects of Christianity, or be real about the issues they're dealing with. I worried aloud about trying to make my classroom "safe" but acknowledged that kids still seem hesitant about being truly transparent. One of the girls said, "I think you've done a good job with that actually. I don't think anyone's ever felt judged in YOUR classroom."

For someone who has a history of being judgmental-- that was so good to hear.

What else do I want to remember?

- Had a great discussion with the Seniors about Utopias and Dystopias yesterday to kick off our next unit on Fahrenheit 451-- had them each imagine what THEIR personal paradise or nightmare would be. It was fascinating to discuss with them their ideas-- and, even in my little classes, the various attempts that humanity has made to create world harmony emerged. Some kids were in favor of tighter government oversight and rules; other kids wanted no government at all, or a very limited one. Some people stressed that everyone should share with everyone. Some people wanted Christianity to be taught to all; other people asserted that freedom of religion was imperative for a Utopian society. Many kids wanted badly to create a Utopia where humans were perfect, even though I stressed that their Utopias should still take into consideration that humans are still fallen, messed up people. "No jails, no government, no rules" they said-- "we all just treat each other with respect." Some kids brought it all back to education-- "Unless we do a better job training people in what's RIGHT, we'll HAVE to have all those rules. It all comes back to the SCHOOL."

In 45 minutes, they unknowingly endorsed Communism, Totalitarianism, Anarchy, Democracy, Socialism, and even the philosophy that our school bases itself on-- which many of them grumpily complain about.

It was amazing to see. Humans are so HUMAN.

At the end of class I said, "Folks-- you're seniors. You're about 5 minutes away from graduation. This is YOUR world now. What are you going to do to make sure it's more of a UTOPIA than a DYSTOPIA? How will you make your world a better place?"

- Yesterday was a fun teaching day. I guess most of my life these days revolves around teaching stuff.

- Although! It was a fun St. Patrick's day party at Malia and Peter's.

- And: the cherry trees are beginning to bloom! This LONG WINTER is finally ending...!

Bit of a boring blog I guess-- but one perk to having a blog that's not massively popular is that I can really just write for me. If you enjoy it too-- whoever YOU are-- well hey, how nice. :)

Incidentally, I've given up Facebook for Lent. Felt like it was become a dangerous time suck... and thought a break from it could only be a healthy thing. You know what I miss the most? Coming up with interesting status updates and sending those out into the populated void. How narcissistic is that??

Ha-- humans are so HUMAN. Good thing there's grace.

Infusion

Yesterday was my birthday.

In my journal, I wrote, "Hope Year 27 is marked by a greater ability to extend grace to others and more readily accept it for myself."

It's funny: phrases that I've heard and "known" my whole life-- concepts like, Love and Grace and Forgiveness-- those Christian buzzwords, you know? For years, they've been in my head. Something about this season though is getting those abstract concepts finally, finally down to a deeper place inside. It isn't sudden, and it isn't glamorous or dramatic. It's more like a waking up percolation-- an infusion of substances and experiences and thoughts dripping down slowly into the deepest understanding-place. Within me, something potent is brewing.

I think it has something to do with all of this.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Pastor Richard often talks about the importance of holding blessings with open hands. That's a very difficult thing for me to do. Isn't that a difficult thing for ALL of us to do? It seems as though when the good things come, I'm able to keep my shaky hands open just long enough to see them tremble in would-be preparatory flight. Then, in a hiccup of panicky fear, I clap my hands shut and clutch tight, fearfully tightening my hands into fists. Inside my grasp, those tissue wings, those dusty rivulets of fragile life-- perish.

I so badly want to hold on.

But today, something different happened.

I had a hope and it landed on my finger-tips. For a long moment, I waited, eyes focused on this diaphanous vibration. Stay.

Won't you stay.

But I plucked no daisy petals and made no demands. I tornadoed no dandelions, and sought no falling stars. I didn't even curl my fingers. I kept my palms upraised, open, spacious. I hungered for this lovely thing, and held my breath-- but most of all my heart prayed freedom.



And-- it flew away.




And even though I ought to be disappointed about the fact-- and even though I suppose I am disappointed about the fact-- it all feels more free than anything has felt in a long time.

The open hands place is a freedom-place, it's a GOOD place, it isn't a trapped place, it's a GRACE place.

Something about this has something to do with everything else. And I know that doesn't make much sense, but most of it doesn't make much "sense," and very little of it looks like what I would choose for it to ACTUALLY look like--

Yet despite that, something about open hands, and even the peace that comes with watching something beautiful fly away... is the most hopeful, restful thing I've known in a long time.

And that makes me feel good about this wide open space I'm in.